Today I am thankful for you, my dear Reader.I don’t know what brought you here, whether we know each other in real life, or have become acquainted because of my blog, but it just hit me today how blessed I feel because of you.
I was scanning through some of the recent comments left by my blogging friends, and every one has expressed encouragement, love, and the fact that they are praying for me. That really does lift me up.
I don’t want to always bring you down, but I can’t help the road I’m traveling right now. So, as I work through, press on, and experience this journey of helping to care for my father in his last time here with us, there will be all kinds of emotions.
I have experienced so many emotions.
I am a nurse. I am a daughter. I love my dad and he loves me. Those facts have brought out assertiveness in me that is not part of my usual makeup. I fight for his comfort and for excellent care. I do my best to provide this too, and sometimes I know that’s misunderstood. I’ve had to come to realize that that’s ok–I need to be kind and represent Jesus in how I deal with people, but some people will still think poorly of me. I’ll still care for my dad and fight for him anyway.
So, I’ve experienced anger, doubt (at myself and what’s right to do), sadness, pain, frustration at people not doing their jobs as I think they should, hope, sympathy for Mom, pressure , inadequacy, exhaustion, actual pain in my back, comfort, determination, and so many more emotions. I’ve felt fear at times. I’ve doubted that God knows best, even while believing that He does. I’ve hoped we could be the ones to cheat death. At least for longer.
But lately, as people have talked with me, asked me my goals for Dad, told me it’s ok to let go, I really started feeling a huge weight on me. I know they wanted to help. But I just felt pressured to make some kind of decision, some declaration or something. As if me deciding, or Mom deciding was crucial.
Maybe it is. I don’t know.
We do need goals, and to move with a purpose. But it finally hit me–there is no way that I will, not will my mom, make the decision to stop trying. Will we alter the interventions? Yes. But I think both of us kind of felt like we needed to somehow decide to let him go or something.
I’m not naive. We know the end will come. Sooner than we want. But, I had to come to the place in my heart where I actually decided that I just can’t make this decision. I trust God to let us know when Dad’s time comes. Until then, I will do what I can.
My mind is shifting, and my care focus is also, but I had to come to the point where I said I would trust God with my dad. I’m not going to declare my intent of letting go, stopping care, or anything like that. I may need to, or Mom, I felt the pressure on me because she’s been having a hard time with all of this, and so it felt like it got shifted to me. But I think that we will know as we go along, what to do.
We don’t have to, and can’t, know how this will play out. What was needed in one family won’t be the same in ours. People may shake their heads at our choices, but in the end, that’s what they are–our choices. Gos will help us.
And your prayers mean the world.
Thanks for being there,
Welcome to the Homestead Blog Hop!
Homestead Blog Hop will take place every Wednesday and is for all things homesteading: real food recipes, farm animals, crafts, DIY, how-to’s, gardening, anything from-scratch, natural home/health, self-sufficiency, self-reliance, natural remedies, essential oils, & more! Basically anything related to homesteading.
Meet Your Hosts!
Follow Their Blogs
FEATURED POSTS from the Last Homestead Blog Hop
Each week we take turns choosing three posts to feature. Each post will be shared on all social media platforms by all of the hosts! Here are the features from Last Week’s Hop:
1. Homemade Bolognese from Homemade on a Weeknight
2. How to Grow and Harvest Basil from Road to Reliance
3. How to Celebrate Christmas with Less Stress this Year from Create With Joy
Congrats! Feel free to grab the featured on button for your post.
Just right click and ‘save image as…‘
Guidelines for this Get-Together:
Click on the “Add your Link” Button below and add a great image of your project or recipe. Make sure you link to the page of your family friendly post – not the main page of your blog.
Link up to three posts each week.
Try to visit at least a few other blogs at the party. Be sure to leave a comment to let them know you stopped by.
Link your post back to the Homestead Blog Hop. If the hop isn’t linked to your post then you cannot be featured. All featured posts will be shared on all hosts’ social media channels.
Please link up posts that you haven’t linked to the hop before. You are welcome to link old posts from your blog.
By joining the party, you are giving the hosts permission to use one photo from your post with a link back to your site if it is selected as one of next week’s Features.
This is a family-friendly link up meant to inspire and motivate the homesteader in all of us.
Let the Party Begin!You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!
Join Our Pinterest Board
Follow all your hosts on Pinterest and send me a message that you’d like to be added to our Homestead Blog Hop group board. The only rule is to only add posts that you’ve also added here.