There. I said it. I’m not Super Mom.
My family already knew it. I just had to get there myself and say it out loud.
Why Would I Quit a Job I Love, Knowing I May Never Get it Back Again?
Just to come home to my family?
Why can’t my family function without me here in the home?
Why can’t I balance it all?
Why CAN’T I be Super Mom?
I do know Super Mom women who balance full-time jobs, Pinterest-Perfect homes, loving families, and gorgeous hair! They juggle amazing projects, connected family members, and show up at every function looking so well-put-together.
And I have no doubt they they are all that they appear to be.
But I can’t do it all. The seams are unraveling, and we can’t keep patching it up with duct tape.
From My Childhood: When Mom Quit Work
I remember sometime in my early adult years, my mom just up and quit working–she’d been babysitting for kids since forever, and that was a very long time! She loved little kids, and those little rug rats loved Miss Pat too! But suddenly, she could not take the stress, the noise, the drama. We all became concerned for my mom, who’d never been that way before.
But that’s kind of how I feel right now.
Maybe it’s the hormone shift of peri menopause, or the endless chaos in our lives, but I have become like my mom in her end-of-daycare days. I can’t handle drama, I need peace and quiet, and even the cats which I’ve always loved now drive me bananas when they won’t just lie quietly and purr.
I know I cannot explain it. It just is what it is.
Super Mom Just Doesn’t Live Here.
My family and home run more smoothly when I’m here, and that doesn’t make me a domestic servant. It’s just reality.
We run in a thousand different directions. We have projects, and projects waiting for supplies. Projects waiting for manpower, and I have a running mental list of future projects to work on once Project A, B, and C get done. The projects I really want to do are on hold. Can’t decorate until I have walls, etc, but those days will come!
If She’s Not Super Mom, She Must Just be Lazy
I do feel lazy for wanting to quit work. I feel like people will think I’m lazy, since others can do more than me. That’s hard, but I still have to decide what’s best for us.
When Mom Went to Work
I also remember a time when I was a teen and my mom went to work outside of the home for a year or so. That was different for us. She’d always been home. Always.
My mom seriously was a Super Mom. She ran the carpool (the Zoo, as my friends called it). All spare kids at the end of the school day got loaded up for our house! That was way before the seat belt laws. Some days we’d be two and three kids deep, with several in the very back of the station wagon–my mom dropping off kids along the way, and bring the rest home. It was a real zoo! But it was kind of fun.
My mom ran the local day care in the days before commercial daycares popped up. Our home was overrun with kids of all ages from dark to dark, and some kids even slept part of the night with us. Everyone assumed she could do it since she was home all day, anyway! It, being whatever needed to get done by a parent. But my Super Mom was home to greet us at the end of the school day, and that provided stability.
I’m not gonna lie. When Mom went to work, my brother and I did like that in some ways. We would get dropped off after school and could raid the freezer for ice cream (which we did every.single.day–sorry, Mom, but you knew that, didn’t you?). We could bug around on our own and we did enjoy that freedom.
My Super Mom Came Back Home
When Mom came back home, however, I will have to say that we liked that even better. Our home just felt right again. We liked Mom’s cooking, her advice (sometimes), and just her presence.
I don’t know if this will transpire for us like it did for my mom, but I do sense the call to be more home again. I am “just” working part-time one week, full the next, but it’s proving to be too much while homeschooling and off-gridding, building, and trying to keep all of the balls in the air. 🤹♀️
The Little Things
Mentally, I believe that I need to have less to focus on. Life will remain busy whether I’m here or at work, but little things matter. Currently, when I’m working, my family is also away from home. And that means catch-up on the off days.
Keeping things picked up, actually cooking homemade food, helping my teens with their compositions, tending the greenhouse–these things matter to me. And the reality is that when we’re gone, they are on hold. But they do wait patiently for us to come home and catch up. 😊
Coming home indirectly helps my husband also.
So, I’m not going to work for my husband. I’m not driving a truck or hauling brush, that is. But me being more available will help him. I will be able to help him out if needed, and, trust me–I’m worth more when I’m not mentally tired Oddly enough, my job is not what makes me tired, but the mental stress of knowing I could be home doing more there).
For my Family
To replace some of my work time, I will be spending more time with my dad. Dad has Lewy Body dementia, which is slowly causing changes in him that sadden us and frustrate him. My dad is the sweetest man alive, and I want to have time to spend with him now, before this disease robs us of his rich, funny personality.
Just doing It
So…regardless of if anyone else really understands, we’ve taken the plunge towards me coming home. That ball is rolling. And I’m glad.
I’ll always be a nurse. I won’t always have this job that I love, but I am choosing to trust God with that. He will provide what I need when it’s right.
And we will always be able to use the funds my job provides. It’s easy for me to hold onto that, because I’m doing my part to contribute. But I also get tempted to hold onto that too tightly. (I do believe that in some ways I want to be that Super Mom). I believe God is telling me to trust Him, and trust my husband to provide as God leads. I will say that I’ve struggled with that, but I really am choosing to trust that God will work this out.
How will it work out?
I have no idea.
But, as the saying goes, “Where God guides, He provides.”
Pray for me as we take this leap of faith.
I’ll keep you posted.
Laurie, the Not-Super-Mom
Many resources shape our points of view. Some that have helped me through the years in my desire to be the best Mom I can be, are these. Some day, I do hope that my boys will look back and see that, although I’ll never be Super Mom, I did my best.
Parenting by the Spirit, Book One (series of four)
Resources listed in these posts:
The Language of Encouragement 1
The Language of Encouragement 2